Studies in personality validation (Barnum or the Forer theory) speaks of individuals assigning high precision ratings to metaphors of their nature that supposedly are custom made to them but, in fact are imprecise and general enough to apply to a large set of people.
This explains the legends of supernatural beliefs and practices, such as astrology, fortune telling, aura reading, and some types of personality tests that we witness in our personal or professional ecosystem.
Universal statements are made arbitrarily to people which draw them into a belief that it holds true only for them and hence they are diverse from others.
The reason this works is because we tend to entitle ourselves to a particular power or flaw and then own that characteristic.
This further leads us to assume we exclusively possess a certain uniqueness or are cursed with a shortcoming or a problem.
This is not to be true, because a strength or a problem is never unique, however strong or grave it might be. Someone, somewhere has possessed it or gone through the trauma of dealing with the same problem.
It is what we do with that strength or how we handle our problems is what makes us unique and defines our individuality.
Nonetheless, we cease to make the best use of our strength or solve our problems in our own way by seeking validations from society or the ecosystem we live in.
We are constantly hardened into accepting the existing order or conforming to a standard.
Worse in today’s scenario we tend to seek this validation from a completely unknown virtual entity of “Social Media”.
We want to know what people like about us and how many people like the things we do by exposing each aspect of our lives into this unknown jungle.
While gaining constant validation on every milestone or event of our life itself is a self-assassination of character, by posting these questions for validations on social media makes it even more treacherous.
The concept of seeking validation seeps into humans mostly through their adolescent years.
Young men in their juvenile years have been conditioned into seeking validation of their manliness through myriad misconceptions from their peers.
To be a man or display the essence of a man you are not supposed to cry or shed tears, who wants to be addressed as a sissy for life?
As you grow you are validated to be macho by your friends with the number of girls you have dated or eloped with and not with the meaningful relations you have hold on to in trying times or gone the distance with one partner.
You are considered strong with the quantity of alcohol you can guzzle down your throat and still stand your ground.
You are known to be a man by the way you control things around you through dominance, power and self-bestowed authority.
You are a man by taking complete responsibility of the well-being of your family which comprises of people who have declared their life dependence on you.
The society constantly dictates this absurdity on young men as they grow into proving the masculine quotient, which in its extreme leads to violent paths of crime, rapes, sadism and ripping families apart.
Young girls on the other hand are pushed into the realms of gaining validation through acceptance of the people around them.
To be validated as a good daughter you must align to all the family values and age old tradition, but never question its logic.
To be validated as pretty and beautiful, young girls seek acceptance by sucking themselves into unhealthy relationships or partners who do not deserve their worth.
To be validated as the perfect wife or daughter in law, women seek acceptance through acrimonious behavior patterns from the family they marry into or sacrifice their working career in a professional environment.
After the entire routine, eventually seek validation of the ideal mother by seeking acceptance from children and bearing their unending tantrums, wants and mood swings.
All of which only spells doom for the woman that could have otherwise been an asset or pride to a family and bring out the natural warmth and compassion within her upon others.
Alternatively, on social media we are constantly fluxed by so called celebrities who define the way our lives should be lived.
And then we seek validation of our own lifestyle by trying to replicate these social media celebrities to stay in the hunt or not missing out on trends.
In this digital space we are habituated to follow and ape the behavior and lifestyle patterns of such staged life habits.
What we need is to nurture our young boys and girls right from their adolescence by pushing them to solve problems in their own unique ways that shapes their distinctiveness.
We need to free the young men from the constant pressures of displaying machismo in every aspect of their lives and get them accustomed to gratitude, respect and forgiveness and at the same time redefine the responsibility paradox that constantly creates a flux.
We need to train our girls on independence, empowerment and liberal thinking instead of asking them to seek acceptance of their existence from every person around them.
Introduce them to the infinite potential within themselves which they try to seek from external sources.
We need to orchestrate a culture of rational problem solving techniques amongst kids rather than pushing them to believe the cults which have no logical reasoning.
The law of equality among men and women should be strongly advocated to create a level playing field for human race.
The practice of seeking validation from should be limited to a maximum of one or two individuals in our lives who occasionally show us the mirror and who truly know where our strengths and weaknesses dwell.
Seeking constructive feedback is important for our development in the right direction and cannot be totally abolished.
Social Media and Technology are great platforms to promote an idea or product or a business and should be used for those reasons strictly.
Else we fall into the trap of becoming or creating more unreal celebrities through meaningless validations – someone who self-promotes to an extent where the society believes they have achieved a lot, but in reality haven’t done and will do nothing in the future.