Is This Your Reality?

The three beliefs that shape your personality.

I Am You:

During my training or interactions with people on identifying what is real and what is not, they often ask me what I believe in and what I don’t. And my reply to them is that my beliefs in things and events are similar to others, and I am no metahuman or atheist.

Beliefs are essential as they do guide us in our journey of life, bringing some meaning or purpose.

The mistake that most of us make is that we become obsessed with that path for the good or the worse. We get conditioned by various agencies like our family, education, friends, society, culture, government, and Marvel movies to believe that certain aspects are the ultimate truth in life.

We then spend all our lives from childhood to adulthood and into old age trying to safeguard, preach, promote our version of the truth and prosecute all those who do not believe in our truth. (I used to have childhood dreams of He-Man dying).

Your truth is merely a belief that is good for you when it guides you with specific goals in life. Making money, driving a Mercedes, traveling to white sand beaches, ordering expensive single malts, and living a comfortable and secure life is good.

However, it is dangerous when those goals directly or indirectly harm others. (Spitting all over your friends’ expensive carpet because you couldn’t buy it or running away with their home theater and installing it at your pad).

I always talk to my audience about three versions of beliefs that exist.

1. Objective Reality:

The first is Objective reality, which are events that happen irrespective of what we think and believe.

The Sun rises from the east and sets in the west, irrespective of our beliefs. Whatever we think or do will not change the course of the Sun. It does not care to shine on the affluent and bring gloom on the poor. The function of sunrise and sunset is an objective reality. So are floods, rains, snowfalls, earthquakes, and all forms of evolution.

To me, nature is the only truth that cannot be challenged and changed. For me, this form of reality is the ultimate truth. It lies beyond our control, and no man can alter its course (at least until now). The more we accept and make peace with nature, the better for us.

2. Subjective Reality:

The second is Subjective reality which is the opposite of objective reality as it entirely depends on you as an individual.

How you think and how it makes you feel about things personal to you. What do you think about your family, friends, finances, and job? What makes you happy, sad, angry, frustrated, or jealous need not make anyone else feel the same.

The feeling that you carry will always vary with others. What you think for your child or parent will not be similar to how others see or feel about them.

This nature of belief controls our emotions to a large extent and shapes our personalities. Subjective reality is, therefore, essential for our well-being and does not impact people around us much. We generally do not force our subjective realities onto others.

A few cases of dominating and neurotic behaviors can harm others, for example, telling someone you should love me the same way I love you, or you should love pasta because I was Italian in my previous life.

3. Inter-Subjective Reality:

The third and most dangerous belief for me is Inter-Subjective reality, which is the idea of something being true simply because a particular group of people believes in it and have carried that belief for centuries.

The thought that the US dollar, British Pound, or Rupee is mighty because everyone believes in it. The belief that particular culture or social norm is genuine because billions worldwide practice it. They believe their organizations to be the ultimate truth and dedicate all their lives working for it thinking it brings meaning to their lives and will forever take care of them because they serve them their preferred cocktails during annual outings.

We fail to go back in time to see how currencies have plunged to have zero value in times of demonetization overnight. We fail to understand that social norms were only set to fulfill the needs of a specific time, and some of them were highly destructive and created by megalomaniacs and narcissists.

Companies and even nations have wound up and crashed like nine pins because of corrupt leaders in the past (the once mighty USSR, who competed admirably with the US, disintegrated into fractions overnight). It is not the company or government that suffers but the people who work and live in it.

Inter-subjective reality becomes even more dangerous and is the cause of most problems in the world today as groups constantly want to overpower their beliefs onto other groups, resulting in altercations, clashes, and even wars.

From childhood, they believe these inter-subjective realities are the ultimate truth and confuse it as an objective reality. They associate it with a source of nature, not something manufactured. A lie told once is a lie, but a lie repeated constantly becomes the truth.

Conclusion:

As I began by saying, I have similar beliefs as most. However, I believe in those aspects that mean good for the most and not just for a few. We should enjoy a sport like football because although they have rules, they fulfill the purpose of creating a shared belief.

But the sport’s rules should be controlled, questioned, and altered if it promotes hooliganism and violence. The same is for cultures, religions, and social norms. I believe in them for the good it creates and condemn them whenever it inflicts meaningless pain. If it questions the food I eat, the clothes I wear, or the people I am friends with.

This is true even for our nations. A nation should provide security from external invasions. It should spend on education to eliminate poverty and inequality and create jobs. Mobilize resources to improve the standard of living of its citizens. We must rally behind our nation by paying taxes, trusting its system, and supporting its industrial machinery.

But not for those nations that vote for authoritarian leaders who sacrifice their people and resources for personal gains. Who keep looting the country in the name of a promised land. And dump burgers, colas, and chips on its population imported from powerful nations to appease them.

Therefore, I urge you to relook, question, and align your validations and categorize them to understand the truth that you cannot challenge (nature) versus the reality that you must constantly question (everything else that causes pain and suffering, including bollywood movies and some of its music).

About the writer

Roshan Shetty is an author, corporate coach, and consultant. He trains corporates on Leadership, Emotional Intelligence, Change Management, and Wellness.

His book Shift Left on Emotional Intelligence and skills required for the future is available on Amazon worldwide.

Learn more about his work at www.roshanshetty.com. Subscribe to his YouTube Channel, Roshan Shetty, for life hacks on well-being.